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It’s the age-old question, “how do you make people laugh?” Well, just like life, we grow into it. In our comedic adolescence we start out lighting farts. As our comedy chops grow. so does the sense of humor. (Not everyone’s, though. There are still guys stuck in the fart lighting stage who never mature and never get laid.)
There are certain rules in comedy that we’ve all heard ad nauseam; timing, build in threes, etc. But the one rule I’ve broken manytimes is a simple one. The punch line goes at the end. It sounds simple yet so many times a great joke or bit is ruined because this rule is broken. Let me prove it to you this way. I’m going to re-write the above line. There are still guys in the fart lighting stage who never get laid and who never mature. Hear the difference? Getting laid is the punch line. Put it at the end.
Think of it this way, you’re the punch line and the set-up is your girl-friend. As a good lover you would never allow yourself, the punch line, to come first. At least, that’s what Cosmo tells me.
From Jon Melichar "Melichar on the Move Comedy Service"Mann Group Radio.
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• Stop trying to be Letterman, Leno or Conan or…whomever. Literally lifting lines from Dave (“more fun than humans deserve to have” or “phone the neighbors, wake the kids”) only highlights the fact that you have nothing original to say; which is probably not the truth. If you truly have a sense of humor, develop your own style. It’s great to emulate people that make you laugh—but there’s a fine line between homage and outright stealing.
• If someone in the room is funnier than you, LET THEM BE. This is especially true when you have a comedian as a guest; their whole career is spent around polishing material that is designed and constructed very carefully. Trying to top them with a line only throws off their timing or makes you look like a putz. The best thing you can do in this situation is LISTEN TO THEM and know how to SET THEM UP. The beauty is, if your audience is laughing, YOU GET THE CREDIT! Take a listen to Bob & Tom when they have comedians on the show…they’re masters at this.
• USA Today is read by every jock in the world, but most of your audience did NOT pick it up that morning. Most of your listeners—if they’ve read anything at all that morning—read your local paper, or watched the news on TV. But, more than likely, they’re getting their first news of the day… FROM YOU! If you’re setting up a bit about a current event, make sure your listener knows enough about that current event to understand the bit. And don’t just assume that because it’s on the front page of USA Today that it’s top of mind for everybody. A feature article on the front page is just that; a feature. That doesn’t make it automatically topical—it’s just what that paper decided would sell some units that day.
• If you’ve constructed a great joke or line, or you’re reading material that was written for you, READ IT OUT LOUD FIRST. Not everything you hear in your head will come out exactly the same once your mouth starts working. And material on the page from another source was not written in your specific voice; literally read it out loud, find the right rhythm for your particular speech pattern, put it in your own words.

And now; FIVE FUNNY WORDS
After much research it has been determined that the following words are, without a doubt, the funniest in the English language and, with proper usage and in the right context, will not fail to elicit laughter.

1. Monkey
Let’s face it; monkeys are funny on their own. They mimic us, you can dress them up like humans, they throw their own poo. Incorporate this word, or the animal, in any scenario and comedy ensues. “Monkey business”, “monkeying around”--the variations are endless. Another example; when Ted from accounting announces he’s about to leave for vacation just shout “Okay, bring in the monkey!” Hilarious.

2. Cheese
A little less obvious than the multi-purpose “monkey” but a winner nonetheless. First of all, it’s just a funny word to say. Try it; “Cheese”. It’s got those two “e’s” and only one “s” but it sounds like there’s some “z’s” in there somewhere. “Z’s” are funny. Heck, your mouth is forced into a smile just saying it! (Thus the “Say cheese!” command before every group picture.) Opportunities for comedy involve the question “Can I get cheese on that?” in entirely inappropriate situations—or the non-sequiter response of “cheese” to basic questions, such as “How many kids do you have?” A sturdy, time-tested comedy word.

3. Pants
Here’s one that’s completely underestimated, but it’s got some staying power. While not an inherently funny word by itself (though you’d get some argument from the Letterman camp, who all invest in shirts and jackets emblazoned with the word “PANTS” in big block letters to denote Dave’s company, Worldwide Pants, Inc.) it is the linchpin of some of the worlds best funny phrases. If only for the phrase “In my pants!” alone it deserves a place in the pantheon of funny words. As long as we all put ‘em on one leg at a time, “pants” will be viable and potent. It’s the comedy word work-horse.

4. Banjo
This one’s a little more specialized and specific, and while “banjo” doesn’t get the overall volume of usage as its peer group, it garners a Top Five spot based on sheer power. And while there are those who would promote the place it holds in the development of great American music (most notably Bluegrass and Country & Western) let’s face facts; just the idea of the banjo induces grins—it is quite a silly instrument. Opportunities for serious comedic impact include adding the words “and Banjo Player” immediately after the official title on your business card. Or there is the more conceptual usage, as in responding to being asked where your car is, with “Oh, I parked over there next to the banjo player’s Mercedes.” You might have to give them a few seconds on that one. Additionally, the banjo is still a major part of the comedic throw-back reference to that weird scene in “Deliverance,” despite the film’s age. Hum the first few notes of that banjo duel in the midst of someone who’s a little…oh…slow, shall we say…and you’ll get guaranteed laughs of recognition.

5. Duck
The noun, not the verb. The animal (while certainly not having the comedic juggernaut quality of “monkey”) has always been a major part of the history of humor. Research shows that at least 47% of the worlds funniest jokes involve a duck; a staggering number. (Nuns, priests, a traveling salesman and God fill out the remaining top four slots, but distantly.) For centuries the mere utterance of the phrase “A duck walks into a bar…” immediately puts one in the mind of a satisfying, humorous resolution based upon the unlikely notion that a duck even would walk into a bar, much less talk, order a drink, be able to pay cash or smoke a cigar. Early in his career Groucho Marx saw the potential of the word/animal and made it a signature aspect of his comedic milieu.

Up and comers
While they currently don’t have the same impact or history as those noted above, the following words show either potential for growth or have made enough short-term impact to be noted as distinctly funny runners-up.
Ointment
Balls
Midget
Poopie
Regis
This list, of course, is subject to change.

Larry Morgan
Sr. VP/Programming and Comedy Czar, Premiere Radio NetworksFrom Larry Morgan

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So ya wanna write a joke like a comedian. . . without the luxury of touring the country in a broken down car, sleeping in rest areas, and getting screwed over on the money by booking agents??? Well, you're missing the whole comedy experience. . . but if you must, here's a couple "rules" I use for writing 'em.
• Make analogies by using our common knowledge and/or assumptions: We all assume Richard Simmons is gay, we know Anna Nicole Smith is fat, and we know Strom Thurmond is old. So just use those analogies when talking about others. . . "I won't say he's old, but he babysat Strom Thurmond." "I won't say he's gay, but Richard Simmons called him a fag." "I won't say she's fat, but she gives her hand-me-downs to Anna Nicole Smith."
• Exaggerate things to the extreme: Saying Anna Nicole Smith is 400 pounds is funny, but it's too close to the truth. Saying she weighs 1200 pounds is funnier because the picture of a 1200-pound woman is just, well, funny.
• Look for the irony: That's what you're really trying to do is pull out the irony in a situation. Look at it as a good news/ bad news. Find the irony by listing all the good and bad in a situation. . . real or made-up. . . and then match them up. "The good news is we're giving out free tickets to the buffet. The bad news is, you'll be in line behind Anna Nicole Smith."
• A general comedy rumor is that words with the "c" or "k" sound funny. Who knows if it’s true, but ya gotta admit, Chuck and Cletus are funnier than Steve and Stuart. (Especially if Chuck and Cletus are dating Anna Nicole Smith. . . no?)
• Be brief: Bill Cosby can go on for hours. The rest of us should only include facts in the set-up that NEED to be there for the punch to work. When you make a crack about Winona Ryder shoplifting, do you need to say "at Saks." Really, less is better . . unless you're Bill Cosby.
That's it! But truly, you can't really be funny until you've slept in a rest area. May I recommend I-80 east near Dayton. by The Complete Sheet's Jan McInnis
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Standup is all about “wordsmithing.” Most standups are word surgeons, and every tiny word is chosen for its effect on the laugh. There are some basic techniques all standups learn that seem to work no matter where you are.
• The punch word: (The word that actually triggers the laugh) should always be the last word in a sentence so people can laugh right after they hear it without missing what else you have to say.
• "Act outs": Are great ways to extend a joke. You tell the joke, then basically do voices/characters that act it out. It gets double laughs on the same premise.
• "Call backs": Where you recycle a punchline by using it again in an unrelated joke, let you build continuity and make people feel like "insiders" who know your show.
• Comedy is all about mixing things together that don't normally fit together: George Bush giving a speech isn't (usually) funny; George Bush giving a speech with a penguin on his head is funny. Funny things (like penguins) flavor non-funny things.
From Dan French (Dan writes for TCS is a standup comedian, and former college professor with a Ph.D. in Media Studies).
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• Write statements, ask questions: May punchlines follow an actual quote or simple statement. "Earlier today, the UN met and came to a unanimous decision. (Or) "President Bush said he would redouble his efforts." Then ask questions. (What did they decide? Madonna's movie sucks.) - (Redoubled his efforts? Yeah he shot 36 holes of golf.)
• Combine two current events: Iraq and Guns 'N Roses riot. The elections and "Jackass: The Movie.” Winona's shoplifting and underpaid DJ's (or is it overpaid?) Find a common word, phrase or premise that links two topics. In some cases, you'll work backwards, starting with the punchline and then creating a set-up.
• Savers: OK, maybe you've written a really lame joke that you know is bad. Write another to acknowledge it was bad. Bad jokes create tension. Tension good. Savers diffuse tension. Many laughs.
• Deliver jokes in your own voice: Imagine Jerry Seinfeld trying to do a Robin Williams riff? It wouldn't work. The material should be tailored to the energy, rhythm and style of the performer. Find that voice, and if its Fran Drescher's, get the hell off radio.
by Peter Charkalis - Staff writer for "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn"
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• One simple rule for writing song parodies: Never, ever, do the whole song.
Whatever the length of the original, cut it down. Then get in, get to a couple of punchlines and get out. It's just a corollary of the old "always leave them wanting more" rule, but you'd be amazed how many people fail to follow it.
• When you scan the headlines for ideas, keep your watch handy. No matter how promising a topic appears, if it doesn't give rise to an actual joke within one or two minutes, move on to the next idea. This will increase both the quantity and quality of your work. Setups and punch-lines that have been labored over excessively at the conceptual stage often show.
• After the conceptual stage, as Hemingway said, it's not writing, it's rewriting. This is as true of comedy writing as of any kind. Even though you don't have much time for tweaking bits, when you do a first draft -- write, write, write. When you do a second draft (and yes, you should always do a second draft) -- cut, cut, cut. You have two jokes you like? Pick the best one. A comedy writer must always be ready to kill his favorite "children" for the overall good of a bit.
• Comedy writing is one of the few kinds that is best done with more than one person. If you don't already have a writing partner, find one. Then check your ego at the door and discover the joys of creative collaboration. Two people don't double the amount of comedic energy in a room -- they triple or quadruple it.
Kurt Luchs GM American Comedy Network.
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A technique many use -- especially when it comes to recorded material -- is to leave the microphones open while airing it. Laugh aloud during the funny parts. Groan during the not-so-funny parts. In doing so, you'll be making yourself a part of your audience and conversely, your audience a part of the show.
• On the other hand, if you're confident a particular produced bit is a real drop-dead, bust-out winner, don't waste a lot of time setting it up! You might be setting it up for failure. Joel Graham - Creative Director American Comedy Network
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I put air talent into three categories in terms of comic delivery. Some are senders. Some are receivers. Some are senders/ receivers. Senders of jokes (subconsciously perhaps) treat joke telling like poetry. A well written and delivered joke has a beat and a rhythm. It is not forced. Rather, a "great line" flows with three components that produce surprise -- the setup, the hook, and the punch.
Surprise is the key ingredient to making people laugh. Receivers of jokes let others tell jokes, make themselves the target of jokes, or give great verbal and nonverbal responses to jokes. Receivers of jokes love to laugh and make laughter contagious to audiences. Jack Benny was the best known comedian in this category. As a joke teller, he was mediocre, but was brilliant enough to let funny things happen to him and let others appear to be clever creators of comedy.
Finally, senders/receivers of jokes are blessed with the great comic sense to do both the telling of humor and, whenever the timing is right, allow others to upstage them with funny lines or funny characters. I believe people are born with this talent, and grow up in an environment which enhances this truly unique gift of laughter.
A problem for a lot of young radio talent is that many have no fix on which of the three categories they fit. Some send jokes with no talent for rhythm and beat. Some receive jokes that just aren't funny to others. And, some think they can show up and do both with no consideration for the preparation and the art of comedy.
A great comic bit has a target. That target is either a villain or a fool to its audience. It’s the job of the comic to figure out what makes others laugh, and what jokes will allow the audience to vent both its frustration and agreement. Comedy is tough. And, the lack of appreciation for its artistic properties is why so many joke tellers fail, or offend. •
Alan Ray araycomedy.com